What have I done?
Oct 13 2024
It’s been a while since I’ve written any blog posts. When I think about my heroes, a few names come to mind: Christopher Hitchens, Jessica Valenti, Chomsky, Ambedkar, and Tom Scott. I see the failings of some of them now, but I still consider them my heroes because I was obsessed with anything and everything they wrote or said that I could find. When I realized I look up to Tom Scott, I understood why I was obsessed with all of them — they kept writing and working on new projects. They were never satisfied. I’ve been paralyzed internally trying to find satisfaction, or re-gain my attention, when the answer is quite simple; There is no closure, I just need to keep working on new projects (and writing).
Publishing DeTeXt on the App Store was exhilarating, because I made it. The last few years of my life have been the best, and the worst. But the numbness that I recognize internally, can be traced back to the root cause of failing to make things. Anything. This blog post, an app, research, kozhukattai…I should be able to say ‘I made this’ much more often.
Authentic Schmauthentic
Dec 31 2023
What the fuck does authentic mean anyway? … The term ‘‘authentic’’ … is essentially meaningless. ‘‘Authentic’’ when? ‘‘Authentic’’ to whom? But it sounds good and wise doesn’t it?
Anthony Bourdain. ‘‘14. Alan Richman is a Douchebag’’. Medium Raw
Some things leave a clear semantic trace in my mind — I don’t remember the exact words1, nor the circumstances, but they leave a dent. In my mind, Bourdain’s acerbic takedown of a journalist questioning the authenticity of Creole cuisine is up there with Siracusa expounding on sports, or the final shot in Ozu’s The Only Son. They contain multitudes in so little, and not just because they’re akin to pithy aphorisms — they nudge me to research, read, learn, and ponder on their meaning endlessly. They enrich my life, my work, and relationships, even if it involves uncomfortable introspection.
Questioning the authenticity of food especially evoke a deep-seated rejection fermented by years of pondering on Bourdain’s words, and my own cowering behind that empty word. This isn’t to say one can’t criticize food (or any cultural product), but if you see fit to judge and expound on it, be decent enough to admit what you’re doing and why — maybe you wanna feel superior, or occupy space in the conversation, or be seen. You can do that without empty gestures towards authenticity.
Funnily enough, what I yearn is for people to be genuinely authentic (in the sense of be honest about what you’re feeling or wanting) with me.
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which is just as well, since I enjoyed re-reading this chapter, and the book, perhaps just as much as the first time, in the process of finding this excerpt. Bourdain could write and cook — I’m still not good enough at the former. ↩
The Responsibility of Non Residential Intellectuals
Dec 9 2023
It is easy for an American intellectual to deliver homilies on the virtues of freedom and liberty, but if he is really concerned about, say, Chinese totalitarianism or the burdens imposed on the Chinese peasantry in forced industrialization, then he should face a task that is infinitely more important and challenging—the task of creating, in the United States, the intellectual and moral climate, as well as the social and economic conditions, that would permit this country to participate in modernization and development in a way commensurate with its material wealth and technical capacity.
I have lived in the US for over 6 years. I feel like I’ve come of age here — certainly I didn’t dwell on my responsibilities much when I lived in India. I want to live here, but what of this responsibility I feel (with my freedoms) to do something about injustice in India? Why do I feel this strong responsibility to oppose injustice?
Answering these questions1 are important to me, since it clarifies the root of disagreements with family, friends and colleagues, and how to effectively fight injustice in India. I don’t have a great answer yet — but the strong whiff of bullshit from me (and sensed by me) when opposing injustices in the US when India made me is a good enough motivator to find an answer.
So what are the responsibilities of the non-resident intellectual beyond seeking the truth back home, and the historical context of the truth? Supporting intellectuals and activists back home must be one of them, if not the foremost one.
I'm thinking of ending things with attention again
October 9 2023
Two years ago, I thought I would ‘discipline’ myself by being deliberate with the way I spend time online. I have failed, quite spectacularly at that. I can’t keep myself off hacker news, reddit, twitter, or any of the million blogs out there. More often than not, there’s nothing there when I visit them. But the random reinforcement of something that might scratch my itch always has me coming back.
What is to be done? The fix-the-system crowd wax philosophy about how loverly it would be in their world where we’re one with nature, and how we need to organize and fight corporations. My patience is thin with these pleas, especially with this issue. What’s more likely to happen — that I discipline how I allocate my attention, or that the internet economy re-aligns itself through self or external regulation around the amorphous concern of ‘attention’?
I’ll take my chances with disciplining myself.
The centre is not where it seems
September 5 2024
Nick Heer talking about the centered Apple logo on iPhones 11 (and all iPhones after that as of the writing of this post):
I can’t find it right now, but I remember an old piece of advice — possibly in the HIG — that said that items mathematically centred vertically tend to look like they’re lower than they are. The suggestion was that a visually vertically centred item typically needed about twice as much space below the item compared to the space above it.
Page 184 of Apple’s HIG guidelines from the 2003 edition:
[the] distance from the bottom of the window to the top of the Dock (if it’s at the bottom of the screen) should be approximately twice the distance as that from the bottom of the menu bar to the top of the window.
Matthew Butterick on centering page contents using margins:
To make the text block appear centered vertically, try making the bottom margin about a 0.25″ larger than the top margin. Otherwise, the text block can look like it’s sagging.
Finally, David Lynch as John Ford to Sammy Fabelman (Spielberg):
Where is the horizon?…Where is the goddamn horizon!?…When the horizon’s at the bottom it’s interesting. When the horizon’s at the top, it’s interesting. When the horizon’s in the middle, it’s boring as shit.