What have I done?

Oct 13 2024

Alec Guiness at the end of 'The Bridge on the River Kwai' about to utter the words 'What have I done?'

It’s been a while since I’ve written any blog posts. When I think about my heroes, a few names come to mind: Christopher Hitchens, Jessica Valenti, Chomsky, Ambedkar, and Tom Scott. I see the failings of some of them now, but I still consider them my heroes because I was obsessed with anything and everything they wrote or said that I could find. For a short while. When I realized I look up to Tom Scott, I understood why I was obsessed with them — they kept writing and working on new projects. They were never satisfied. I’ve been paralyzed internally trying to find satisfaction, or re-gain my attention, when the answer is quite simple; There is no closure, I just need to keep working on new projects (and writing).

Publishing DeTeXt on the App Store was exhilarating, because I made it. The last few years of my life have been the best, and the worst. But the numbness that I recognize internally, can be traced back to the root cause of failing to make things. Anything. This blog post, an app, research, kozhukattai…I should be able to say ‘I made this’ much more often.